i have been following the story of this 16 month old little boy named ethan powell and praying daily for his healing. yesterday morning he died. he had a rare form of leukemia but beat all kinds of odds by surviving as long as he did. he actually died of a virus that his body was unable to fight because his immune system was completely depleted. it's just a heartbreaking story and so so hard to pray fervently for healing and then learn of his death. he was the only child of 2 young parents (i believe only 25-26 years old).
anyway- i just have come in contact with the real hurt and pain that you make yourself vulnerable to when you sincerely pray healing for a person. i have been following this little boy's story since june of 2007. i knew when i began following the story and praying for him that i had 2 choices: 1. say a passing prayer for him, but avoid reading the updates so that i wouldn't have to see anything sad, or 2. start following the updates and praying for him despite the potential for getting hurt. part of me really wanted option number one because this little boy was very close in age to kian and i wouldn't be able to separate myself from any sad news. the other part of me knew that i had to choose option 2 because if this was my sweet kian i would want every possible person to dedicate themselves to praying for his healing. it is just hard living in a "not yet" world where we cannot and will not understand everything that happens. in the process, we open ourselves up to pain and suffering because we know that this life is about community and sharing in the joys and pains of others. but man...it's hard. there is definitely part of you that wants to avoid truly loving anyone so that you can avoid the pain of ever losing them.
i'm just reminded that this call to social justice is not a simple one. it's not a matter of giving a little here and there, but avoiding the outcome so that you can avoid any sad news. it is a matter of opening up our lives and our hearts. it provides the opportunity for great great joy...and for immense pain. i feel like i was able to get a glimpse of the heart of God. jesus chose to become fully man and open himself up to joy, pain, loss, heartbreak. it was a choice he made without any credence given to what it would cost him. it just really makes me think, are we ready to choose the kingdom despite the cost? i'm glad i can share this with you guys.
1 comment:
Mary, first I want to say that is, of course, a terrible loss and the phrase "heart-breaking" seems like it cant begin to describe the situation for anyone. As mothers, we naturally imagine what it would be like if that were our child when we hear news and our hearts and souls ache for the parents and little boy. I don't know what you're feeling because I wasn't praying for that little boy and putting so much hope up for him specifically... That's hard, there's not easy way around the pain in that. Still, even though we are living in a "not yet world" we can take heart in knowing we "hold the keys" to the kingdom, at the very least- and we know that together we have the tools God gave us to support one another and get each other through doubt, pain, and all other sorts of the like...I guess there is little we can say/do to comfort ourselves and those grieveing most.. but we can at least take hope in knowing that it will be explained and it is temporary. You raise a poignant question, too and it's a choice we have to make daily. I just want to thank you for sharing... I'm glad you did.
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